Your Relationship is Meant to End
Women are notorious for finding relationships, latching on, and being let go of only when it's too late. Too late for our self-esteem, too late for our trust, too late for our will to forgive. Too late for a lot of things. We treat every relationship that goes 4 months past introduction as if it's eligible for the eternal subscription to our life, and sadly, men don't see it that way. Countless studies performed include asking men how they feel on finding the one versus how long they stay with a partner they don't intend to marry or be with long term, and the results would not favor our women readers.
I found the research on these studies interesting because the male participants not only gave their opinions on this topic, but they silently gave away a hidden perspective.
Men treat relationships as they treat every other word involving the suffix almost just the same. Scholarships, internships, sponsorships, their 7 day ticket on a cruise ship. It is simply an opportunity.
Now I may have gone too far with the cruise ship thing but think about it. These situations include using your best assets to obtain a spot that is meant to propel you into the next stage of your life. The cruise ship is a vacation made to give you a refresher, and give you the energy you need to conquer the next few months at work. It's not supposed to be a forever thing, but you pay for what you get.
Internships for example, come at a time before your career, used to gain knowledge while showcasing your expertise to get noticed and advancements. Scholarships are meant to give you a helping hand while you give some of the best years of your life to figuring out where you want to end up. By any other definition of the word, a relationship is a connection between two parties, one in which something must be gained.
Is it possible to avoid this grisly exchange whenever possible? Impossible to imagine. But Steve Harvey was surely attempting to give us women the best insight possible when writing "Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man".
I read the book years ago when it was first published and not to sound cliche, but it changed my perspective on dating.
Order your copy here.
I learned that the sooner I stopped viewing every relationship as a chance to avoid lifelong loneliness but as a chance to gain insights to parts of yourself that are so detrimental to the entirety of your life, I would never long for another relationship again.
"Your relationship is supposed to end" are cruel words that I once found myself spewing at a friend after an hour long conversation for the fourth time that week on the same topic. I couldn't understand why she continued to give the best parts of her life to someone who was giving absolutely nothing in return. Why she would bank everything on a person who couldn't give her a pep talk before a race. I couldn't understand why she wouldn't simply induce the split, rather than enduring abuse all the while wasting precious time that could be spent bettering herself, or her life or her career.
Puzzling.
I spat the words out so suddenly I couldn't help but think how long I had been holding that in. But she needed to hear it. It was time.
I don't hold myself to be a relationship coach as of yet but I know a thing or two about self respect. Most important being that you don't tolerate anything from anyone that makes you feel unwell. If it messes with your head, or your sleep, your ability to function at work, your eating, or any other part of you. Stress is the biggest silent killer among women and it comes in many forms. You don't own anyone access to your body so much so that it affects your overall health. We have to respect ourselves more than basking in the feeling of being in love.
Love will break you down in ways you could never imagine. If you're reading this while young and full of hope, don't let this deter you but keep you watchful. The average person has at least 2 relationships in their life. Seems like not a lot of room for growth or error but it all depends on how you look at it.
If you go in looking to gain something each time, you'll end up much happier in the end knowing you succeeded.
In the nicest way possible, get what you can get while the going is good. And not always tangible. Be creative.
When your beau is good with numbers, you learn some insider secrets and tactics that you can use forever. Dating a fashionisto? He'll know the best thrift shops and discount websites that will carry you into years well beyond your time spent together. The idea is to walk away with something other than feeling empty.
So many of us pour in constantly to a cup that has a leak leading directly into a togo cup. Simply put, you're giving your best self to a relationship that probably won't lead to forever, sad to say. Of course not all relationships end up this way, but in reality, the majority of us give the wrong privileges to the wrong partner at the wrong time.
I want to see more women walk away from a relationship fulfilled rather than broken. I remember giving so much of myself while trying to prove that I had more to give, even though I didn't. And I know a lot of you have been there in earlier days. What if we walked away from an amicable split with more knowledge and confidence than we had going in. Imagine looking back on the years spent as a leg up, a sponsorship for you to find true soulmate. They shaped you, showed you how you react to stress and dismay, they pulled out the ugliest parts of you and showed you how you defend them.
They walked with you while you were young and still figuring out, and you didn't blame each other for walking that path together. You don't know who you're going to be at 32 when you're 22. You can't fathom ever changing your favorite song or hairstyle or even your favorite food when you're that young. So it's ok that the first thing you latch onto after leaving home is not the last thing you take from the party. You're entitled to change.
But you have to do just that. Change!
On the off chance you and your partner grow together on a similar track, then maybe there is magic in the world after all. But as we all know ladies, we grow a little faster. The part of us that doesn't grow is the part of us that wants to be loved. The part that wants to be accepted. That's what holds us back.
Letting go of that one crucial element could send us forward 10 steps as a group.
Finding ourselves and staying true to it even when we're in a partnership. Not losing the parts of us that we love to show off. I think the saying is to "get a hobby".
I use to tell a friend of mine that her relationship shouldn't always be so serious. Every conversation shouldn't consist of future plans and lovely fantasies. Laugh a little, loosen up. You can't drag another person into the unresolved issues within yourself and expect their reaction to comfort you. It's upsetting to not know the future but it's selfish to push so hard while expecting another person to have all the answers. You can't badger the weatherman to tell you the weather for January while it's July. You can't force your doctor to tell you if you will deliver a healthy baby on your first appointment after conception. It just doesn't happen. No one knows the future. We can predict a likely outcome based on the options provided, but the future? No one knows that.
In my opinion most relationships end prematurely because of this. One person demands the future out of the other and that person has fell short. Like most things in life you have to take it day by day. And putting pressure where it doesn't belong only causes leaks.
Think about this in the midst of the next trivial disagreement and ask yourself is this where I want my relationship to end? Each fight is a little more pressure leading to an inevitable split. Unless you choose to hold on tight, and only apply pressure when absolutely necessary. Your relationship is meant to end, but you are always in control of when that is.
Follow me here and read for more organic content
