Why is the term solo date so heavily frowned upon by the male societal gaze?Especially when brought up surrounding women, younger women, or younger successful women as a whole.
The term hasn't been coined by one specific source but it has made it's way around the community with several using it as a synonym for loneliness or bitterness. The term solo date has been described by many a confused man as a last resort, a pathetic attempt at self love, or worst, a desperate cry for attention. Ouch! When you actually think about it, the term is only used in such a negative connotation when it comes to those of us that identify as woman.
But who says so?
This very rumor is why I see less and less women that look like me actually enjoying their hard earned money, out and about, on things and activities we actually like rather than on some forced group activity that looks good on camera.
The idea that dating is an activity done best between two people is a shared opinion amongst society rather than a hard known fact, and with that comes those that will challenge this belief, like myself.
I believe that dating is a more so a process rather than an activity. A process that involves collecting data and testing solutions.
Dating should be defined as a period of time rather than the physical activities we engage in being grouped together while in that block of time. Dating as a process comes with the realization and understanding of what each party likes and dislikes, their strong and weak points, and their social and mental triggers. Simply put, time spent together doesn't equate to a healthy relationship. It's the discovery of important character traits while doing so that allows you to make an informed decision to move forward or not.
Viewing dating in this way allowed me the safe space to date myself and find out my own answers to these pinpoints before I pinned that responsibility on someone else. I allowed myself the time to understand what I have to offer to make myself happy, which in turn gave me the very specific insight needed to find a partner I would be happy with.
I now challenge you to do the same.
When is the last time you've gone out alone.
Not to quickly run an errand.
Not killing time before meeting up with a friend.
But an actual date with just you, or just you and your kids, and nothing but the world at your feet.
When is the last time you spent a good amount of time getting ready in the mirror, put on the perfect outfit, checked your banking app and headed out the door? Turned the notifications off and really enjoyed your time outside, taking in your surroundings and all it has to offer. Or are you always waiting for an accomplice to enjoy life? Do you find yourself constantly looking for new places to go and new things to see, but you never end up going because the person you asked to go flaked on you?
Yeah! I've been there.
It took me a while after a bad breakup in my twenties to learn how to date myself but since then I haven't looked back.
Life is not all about companionship. It's a big part of making the ride smoother but it is not the tell all be all.
Think back to when you were small and the days came when you had no one to play with.
What did you do? Did you not play the whole day? Did you cancel your plans on the playground because your bestie couldn't come out that day? Of course not.
Sure the fun may have been a little one sided that day, but it teaches such an important lesson in that moment.
The fun is where you are! You are responsible for your own enjoyment.
It's funny how we grow up and find our friend groups as we do, and forget how to be by ourselves.
Especially us, ladies.
We spend most of our younger years interweaved in a group of supportive individuals, until we're swept into a whirlwind romance in which we shift our source if codependency. I think this is where we forget what it's like to be alone. We forget how to entertain ourselves. We forget that we are the life of the damn party!
I'm here to remind you!
The best thing you can do for yourself is spend time alone. Seriously.
If done correctly with the right partner, dating can help you discover several things about you that help unlock the next best level of yourself.
However I like to date myself no matter if I'm in a relationship or not. Because one thing I've learned is once you know you, nobody can tell you about you!
Taking the liberty to date yourself without reason says a lot about the woman you are. And if you're on a self liberation journey this process will not only bring you that much closer to the perfect union but it ensures that when you find the potential, it's a legitimate candidate and not just a waste of time.
If you've read this far it means you agree with most of what we discussed here. I don't have a fancy list of fine dining restaurants or groovy sip and paints to visit in your hometown, because that would defeat the purpose of me telling you to date yourself.
Take a piece of paper and on one side write down the things that you like. I mean everything. Colors, foods, books, songs, people, movies, sights, climates, drinks, the sky is the limit.
Once you've compiled your list you're going to want to head to your favorite search engine.
You're going to do a very simple search of "blank near me".
Movies near me.
Listening parties near me.
Adult group game events near me.
You get the gist.
On the other side of the list, you'll write down each activity that you find that coincides with your list of favorites. And there you have it! Done correctly you should have at least 20 dat ideas that will last you for a couple of weekends in the upcoming months.
And I just want to add in, don't let the big settings scare you.
You can go swimming alone at a public pool. You can go bowling alone. You can go to a fancy sit down with just you and your kiddos. You can, you can, you can.
I will have my digital calendar available for sale on my site soon. If you like this idea subscribe to my email list so I can send it over.
Remember ladies, YOU are the life of the damn party!
