Do You Feel Normal If You're Not Busy?

     When was the first time you were put in charge? Can you remember? The first time you were given a big assignment to complete, and it was solely reliant on you to bring home the win. Do you remember the very first time you felt like a "grown up" with one too many tasks on your plate for the week and you were actually excited to make your way down the list? How did you feel? Was it heavy? Did you choose the tasks that were placed upon you? Were they intended to make you a better person in the long run. I hope so. Because the truth is for most people, even me, that they never got to choose those items on our to do list. One day its soccer practice and tutoring twice a week, and the next day it's class 5 days a week, work twice, the little ones have play dates and you still have to get to the gym. You think to yourself "how in the heck did all this get here."

I may be speaking for only a select few, but I'm shooting for the mass collective when I say "but did we ask to be placed in so many extracurricular activities to begin with." I say that with a light heart but I mean seriously. Having that imaginary sign over your head that just screams "'I'M A HARD WORKER! I WANT TO EXCEED IN LIFE" is sometimes a curse. Our parents and caregivers see something in the way we handle that first time that we're put in charge and from there we are off to the races. Once you're on the radar of someone who needs a natural born leader in their life, which is usually our parents that need their own saving and healing, then you start to see yourself as a baton being passed on to the next level ahead of the rest, sometimes against your liking. But hey, they say pressure makes diamonds right?

I personally wasn't prepared for the level of responsibility that I have today and when I try to go in my minds' eye to remember when and where it started I draw a blank. I was never even given the option to choose my plate of things to do. It was just handed to me on a paper plate with very poor structure and I believe it was "used" for metaphoric purposes. Meaning being, since I was born the oldest child on both sides of my family that I was always delegated to keep everything together with a silk ribbon. Even when there were obvious better choices somehow, I was chosen. I never wanted so much responsibility when it came to school and things like that. I never envied the kids that were in every after-school project, getting home at 8 pm and waking up by 5am. I quite literally loathed the thought of a life like that. I always promised myself when I became an adult that I wouldn't do anything or listen to anyone I didn't want to. And unapologetically at that. 

What about you?

The problem came in when I may have gone too far with that concept and I stopped listening to myself even when I should have. I was so hell bent on defying every rule but gravity and trying my best to "live my best life" in adulthood... that I was actually missing.. adulthood. The first half of it all was a wild ride that seemed to never end. It was a different story each day. A new face to spend a few hours with. A new drink on a familiar menu to try. I mean real excitement. For the first time in years I felt liberated. I had enough money in my pocket to let the wind blow in my hair. And that was just perfect.

The second half was the memorable half. My children were born. I got my first house, my first car. I started a job I really really enjoyed. And somewhere along the way life got really really busy. This time around, however, I chose these responsibilities. So that was one thing. The next thing was, I started to keep myself busy on purpose because I didn't feel normal if I wasn't busy. I don't know if I'm speaking to the collective or the select few again but that is the exact formula for you to lose your sanity. 

This world today has us in the fastest paced culture we've ever seen, and we have to keep up to live a fulfilling life. Right? We have to use the most of our 24 hours in the day minus the 8 we sleep. They say drink water, exercise, work, enrich your brain, call your relatives, teach your children, eat healthy, and stay clean. I think if you drink your water while exercising, and eat healthy while you sleep you should be fine right? Wrong my friend. Totally wrong.

We can't get accustomed to staying busy. It will be the quickest way to a season of burnout for you. And those are hard to shake depending on what emotion burnout decides to bring with it. We must find time for ourselves and what we truly want. If that means cutting some things off your massive to do list, then so be it. So many of us feel defeated or distracted if we aren't doing something to actively better our future in that present moment. But that isn't true, none of its true, its BS they made it up.

You can take as many breaks as you like, as often as you like and not feel guilty. You don't have to spend every weekend at the park with your child when you're not at work. You don't have to exercise everyday when you wake up, some days you can save it for commercial breaks or right before bed and that's still okay. Guess what? If you skip a day or three, we won't tell. 

But seriously, break the norm of blocking off every hour in your day. Call your inner child over for a snack and a movie instead. Hone in on what makes you happy even when you're not obligated to do it. You have lied to yourself long enough claiming that you love working overtime and that you get so much done while the laundry is drying. You're not fooling anyone. You like a soft, easy life and you need to check in on yourself constantly to make sure you're balancing correctly. About once a month, when things may be too chaotic, and I may be to blame, I ask myself, do you feel normal if you're not busy.